


Within, Without Supplemental

by reinkist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Implied Suicide Attempt or Ideation, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-04-30 05:53:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinkist/pseuds/reinkist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Supplemental material for the multi-chaptered Davekat fic <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4362911/chapters/9899549">Within, Without</a></p>
<p>Please access this only through links from the main fic!</p>
<p>I'm also not going to tag relationships or characters or anything else for this in an effort to avoid clogging up tags. I'll just be tagging for triggers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 21-2

\--  tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 23:21 --

TT: Hello.   
GA: Hello Rose   
TT: How...have you been?   
GA: Well   
GA: I Have Spent Most Of My Time Nearly Beside Myself With Worry   
GA: And The Remainder Reassuring Your Brother That He Need Not Be Beside Himself With Worry   
GA: A Job For Which I Am Clearly Ill Suited   
GA: And At Which I Failed Completely   
TT: ...   
GA: If You Have Something To Say To Me I Will Gladly Listen   
GA: Otherwise   
TT: Yes.   
TT: I do have something to say, Kanaya. I apologize.   
TT: How long has it been since we've spoken?   
GA: It Has Been Twenty Three Nights   
TT: That can't be right.   
GA: Trust Me   
GA: It Can   
TT: I see.   
TT: I have been...involved in research.   
GA: I Am Aware   
GA: Though I Have Not Been Able To Reach You I Have Occasionally Been Able To Reach Vriska   
GA: And Unlike You She Enjoys Rubbing Her Recent Activities In The Faces Of Others   
GA: I Have Pieced Together A Few Things From Hints She Has Not Been Able To Keep From Dropping   
GA: Is It True That There Is A Plan To Trap Lord English By Systematically Destroying The Dream Bubbles   
TT: In a manner of speaking.   
GA: Was This Extraordinarily Foolhardy Plan One That Either Of You Planned To Share With The Rest Of Us   
TT: It wasn't a plan that Vriska or I came up with, or even put into motion.   
TT: It is impossible to stop it.   
TT: In a sense it has already happened.   
GA: I See   
GA: This Definitely Explains Why You Have Been So Short Tempered With Everyone   
TT: I would think that you, of all people, would understand.   
TT: Nobody's feelings will matter a single fucking iota if we are all dead.   
TT: Which we will all be if this plan fails.   
GA: Have You Stopped To Think What A Negative Effect Your Words Would Have On The Members Of This Team   
GA: There Are Very Few Of Us Left On This Meteor As It Is   
GA: And The Few Of Us That Are Left Are Fragmenting Further And Further Into Smaller Groups   
GA: How Exactly Will We Be Able To Function As A Team If This Continues   
GA: It Is A Mark Of Poor Leadership To Ignore And Malign The Personal Needs Of Your Team   
GA: This Is Something That I Would Expect From Vriska But Not From You   
GA: I Do Not Like Seeing You Echo Her Mannerisms   
TT: Leave Vriska out of this.   
GA: No   
GA: I Will Not   
GA: I Understand Better Than You Might Think   
GA: She Has   
GA: An Undeniable Magnetism   
GA: And There Is Something Highly Addicting About Gaining Her Undivided Attention   
GA: But I Will Warn You That No One Is Ever Able To Hold Her Attention For Long   
TT: She's the only one that even comes close to understanding anything.   
TT: Nobody else understands what it's like to have powers that are...consuming.   
TT: What it's like to teeter on the edge between your mastery of them and their mastery of you.   
GA: If You Must Insist Upon Strict Rationality You Must Also Be Rational About This   
TT: Or what it means to be a vessel for such forces, to understand how their bluntness and nuance are to be plucked and bowed in turn.   
GA: She Will Not Allow You To Become Truly Close To Her   
TT: Or what it's like to be obligated to sublimate one's own identity to the strict boundaries of one's supposed destiny.   
GA: She Will Only Fracture Your Bloodpusher   
TT: ...   
TT: Wait.   
TT: Do...you think I'm in love with her?   
GA: It Seems Rather Obvious   
TT: ...   
TT: I'm not.   
GA: Hmm   
TT: I'm not!   
GA: What Am I Supposed To Think   
GA: The Way You Are Talking Certainly Implies Some Form Of Infatuation   
TT: I am not "infatuated" with her.   
TT: That's impossible.   
GA: Impossible   
GA: Do Not Be Absurd   
GA: This Is A Flaw That Both Of You Share   
GA: You Both Believe Yourselves In Different Ways To Be Above Things As Mundane As Personal Emotions   
GA: And That You Both Possess Selves That Are Impenetrable To Influence And Impervious To Whim   
GA: It Is A Dangerous Mindset   
GA: Despite Your Best Efforts To Convince Everyone Otherwise You Are Not A Being Without Needs And Wants   
GA: I Do Not Care How Important Your Research Is   
GA: You Have Been Petty And Cruel And I Will Not Stand For It   
TT: I don't have to take this.   
GA: Yes   
GA: You Do   
GA: Not Admitting To Your Own Weaknesses Does Not Make You Stronger   
GA: It Does The Opposite   
TT: Stop.   
GA: No   
GA: Now   
GA: Rose   
GA: Tell Me What Is Going On   
TT: ...   
TT: Fine!   
TT: Fine!!   
TT: I'm miserable, Kanaya!   
TT: I hate it here! It's so dark and empty and I miss my mother and my planet and my friends so badly it nearly causes me physical pain!   
TT: I am bored out of my fucking mind! If I'm not accomplishing anything, what's the fucking point of even being alive??   
TT: I was prepared to die over a year ago, and I DIDN'T.   
TT: AND NOW I CAN'T!!!   
TT: What THE FUCK am I supposed to do???   
GA: Oh   
GA: Oh Rose   
TT: Just say it already. Just fucking say it.   
GA: Thank You For Being Honest With Me   
TT: fucking   
TT: Kanaya, you are so   
TT: ...   
TT: Thank you.   
TT: For listening.   
GA: Please Rose   
GA: Please Feel Free To Talk To Me At Any Time   
GA: I Miss Our Conversations   
GA: I Do Not Want Us To Continue To Drift Apart   
TT: Me either.   
TT: I don't. Truly. I'm sorry.   
GA: I Am Sorry I Pushed You Into Revealing Something You Did Not Want To Reveal   
TT: ...   
TT: It's alright, Kanaya, really.   
TT: I've been so silly.   
TT: I thought...   
TT: I don't know what I thought.   
GA: I Hold You In High Esteem Rose   
GA: I Always Have   
GA: And I Am Not Sure Anything Could Actually Cause Me To Stop   
TT: Thank you.   
TT: And I'm sorry.   
TT: About everything.


	2. Chapter 24-2

\--  carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] at 24:45 --

CG: I NEED SOME ADVICE.  
TT: Oh?  
CG: IT'S  
CG: FUCK  
CG: I'M JUST GOING TO SWALLOW MY PRIDE HERE.  
CG: DAVE IS REALLY UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING, BUT HE WON'T SAY WHAT IT IS. HE JUST KEEPS SAYING THAT IT'S A "HUMAN THING", WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.  
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  
CG: YOU'RE THE ONLY OTHER HUMAN I KNOW. MAYBE YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.  
TT: Has he been any more specific than that? I'm afraid there are a great number of "human things".  
CG: SOMETHING ABOUT NOT KNOWING HIMSELF AS WELL AS HE THOUGHT HE DID.  
CG: AND TURNING OUT TO BE MORE HUMAN THAN HE THOUGHT HE WAS.  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: I'm afraid I have no idea what this could be about, Karkat.  
TT: Do you think he could have been dismissing whatever it is as "a human thing" so that he could get out of discussing it with you?  
CG: MAYBE  
CG: THAT MAKES SENSE BUT I  
CG: FUCK  
TT: I apologize. I didn't mean to so easily suggest that Dave could be lying to you.  
TT: I have the impression that your relationship is based far more on honesty than my relationship with him.  
TT: He never tells me the entire truth. A conversation with him is more often than not an exercise in squeezing water from a stone.  
TT: If it truly is a "human thing" he is suffering from, my first thought would be that it is something relating to romance or sex, as those things contain some of the more obvious biological and cultural differences between our species, and would also explain his reluctance to discuss it.  
TT: But that is pure speculation.  
TT: Dave has many unusual ideas about how things work, and what certain things mean. It could really be anything.   
TT: I could talk to him, if you wish.  
CG: YEAH, THAT WOULD BE  
CG: GOOD I GUESS  
CG: ...  
CG: HOW DO YOU FUCKING *DEAL* WITH THIS??  
CG: IT'S LIKE I'M CONSTANTLY BEATING MY FISTS AGAINST THIS INFINITE BLANK FUCKING WALL, JUST TRYING AND TRYING TO FIND EVEN THE MOST MINISCULE BULGECHAFING CRACK AND MAYBE I FIND ONE! MAYBE I FIND AN OPENING THAT IS *SOMEHOW* BIG ENOUGH TO FINALLY SMASH MY DISGUSTING CARCASS THROUGH, BUT THEN THERE'S ANOTHER WALL RIGHT BEHIND IT THAT'S EXACTLY AS FUCKING INFINITE AND EXACTLY AS FUCKING BLANK AND I HAVE TO START ALL THE WAY BACK FROM SQUARE FUCKING ONE!!  
CG: I JUST WANT HIM TO TRUST ME, ROSE  
CG: WHY DOESN'T HE???  
TT: I know it's difficult. I understand your frustration far more than I let on.  
TT: He is...difficult to get to know.  
TT: Trust me, I have been trying for years.  
CG: I...GUESS YOU HAVE.  
TT: My attempts have not been altogether successful.  
TT: For a long time I did consider myself to be the person that knew him best, and yet there are still many things I think he will never confide in me.  
CG: ...  
TT: I don't mean to discourage you.  
CG: YEAH, YEAH.  
TT: I must admit that I have not been as gracious as I could have been regarding your closeness with him.  
TT: And for that I apologize.  
CG: WAIT  
CG: ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE JEALOUS?  
TT: Yes.  
CG: ...  
CG: I GUESS IT'S ONLY FAIR FOR ME TO ADMIT THAT I'M JEALOUS AS FUCK OF YOU, TOO.  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: This conversation took a turn I did not expect.  
CG: NO FUCKING KIDDING.  
TT: It is rather fascinating, you must admit. I did not expect to end up with an alien rival for my brother's confidence.  
CG: AND I DIDN'T EXPECT TO END UP IN A QUADRANT WITH AN ALIEN THAT HAS A GODDAMN LITTERMATE. TOUGH SHIT.  
TT: Ha!  
TT: I do like you, Karkat. I hope you know that.  
CG: HMM. I MIGHT EVENTUALLY BECOME USED TO YOUR PRESENCE.  
TT: I am honored by your unanticipated magnanimity.  
CG: HA, HA.  
TT: If you ever feel the need to compare notes, as it were, my office is always open.  
CG: I MAY ACTUALLY TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.  
TT: Good.  
CG: NOW CAN WE JUST OBLITERATE THIS CONVERSATION FROM OUR LOGS?  
TT: Yes.

\--  carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] at 00:07 --


	3. Chapter 25-2

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 9:16 --

CG: AND, ONCE AGAIN, I FIND MYSELF ASKING FOR YOUR HELP.   
TT: Oh?   
TT: I am all ears. Trust me.   
CG: I'M STARTING TO WISH THAT I'D DOWNLOADED MORE GENRES OF HUMAN MOVIES.   
CG: DAVE AND I ARE HAVING SOME CONFLICTS OF, HMM.   
CG: TASTE.   
TT: I can't even begin to imagine what you're talking about.   
TT: Well, I can, but you're not going to want to know how.   
CG: OH MY GOD NO   
CG: FUCK   
CG: DIDN'T DAVE TELL YOU THAT WE'RE WRITING A MOVIE??   
TT: No.   
CG: WELL, CONSIDER YOURSELF INFORMED.   
CG: WE'RE WRITING A MOVIE.   
TT: Alright.   
TT: And?   
CG: AND, WE'RE RUNNING INTO CREATIVE DIFFICULTIES.   
TT: You'll have to excuse me. I need a moment.   
TT: Karkat, I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time.   
TT: Thank you.   
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME, AND ALSO, FUCK YOU.   
TT: Oh, naturally.   
TT: It's just that...well. Is this the first time you've been exposed to anything Dave has made?   
CG: OF COURSE NOT.   
CG: I'VE LISTENED TO HIS MUSIC.   
TT: Music is different. He was always far more serious about it.   
TT: You do know that his goal with all other forms of art is to make them as bad as possible, don't you?   
CG: WHAT   
TT: Well. That's a very large oversimplification, and his reasons for doing so could be spun very successfully as High Art. But the end result is the same.   
CG: AND WHAT END RESULT IS THAT?   
TT: Well, bad, of course.   
CG: WHY??   
TT: Hmm. Where on Earth should I begin?   
CG: I CAN'T WAIT.   
TT: For humans, art, and the term includes all forms of art, movies included, are often acts of rebellion and/or dissent.   
TT: Certain things come into style for generations of humans, and then go out of style when the children they have grow up.   
TT: Things the children like go into style, and then later go out of style, when those children are grown and have their own children.   
TT: It goes on and on, until the end of history.   
CG: OH, GOOD, I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD CLEAR THIS ALL UP FOR ME.   
TT: Hush. I'm not done.   
TT: As I was saying, art is reactionary.   
TT: Any art Dave does is, for want of a better way to put it, a very large "fuck you" to the very concept of art itself.   
TT: He's absolutely fascinated by bad art, whether it's art created by non-artists, or art created purely for corporate interests. He tries his best to replicate things of that nature, for conceptual reasons.   
CG: UH...HUH.   
TT: I don't entirely understand his reasons, either. I am not an artist.   
TT: But I know I've mentioned before that Dave has an unusual way of looking at many things.   
TT: Whatever conflict you are having is not exactly a cultural one. I suspect that it's primarily an interpersonal one.   
CG: OH.   
CG: ...   
TT: I did not mean for that to be as accusatory as it may have sounded.   
TT: I apologize.   
CG: NO OFFENSE TAKEN. WHATEVER.   
CG: SO YOU'RE SAYING   
CG: THAT HE'S TRYING TO MAKE A MOVIE THAT'S BAD, ON PURPOSE, BECAUSE HE'S REBELLING AGAINST THE IDEA OF THE EXISTENCE OF GOOD MOVIES?   
TT: In a way, though it's more like rebelling against the idea that he needs to make things that are good.   
TT: That is a smaller part of it than I am making it out to be, though. It's mostly that he thinks bad things are hilariously funny.   
CG: RIGHT.   
TT: And, unfortunately, his ideas about what constitutes "good" and "bad" are...not very easy to explain.   
TT: You would need a fairly extensive education on the nuances of human popular culture from several prior decades.   
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.   
TT: Don't worry about it.   
TT: It seems that you get along so well in almost every other instance. You don't have to be writing partners, too.   
CG: BUT I FUCKING WANTED TO BE!!   
CG: IT WAS...ACTUALLY REALLY FUN AT FIRST.   
TT: I'm sorry, Karkat.   
CG: YEAH, YEAH.


End file.
